The Three Times He Doesn't Propose (And The One Time He Does)
by Jemma97
Summary: The first time, it's because he's scared. The second time, it's because he's responsible. The third time, it's because he loves her. But the fourth time? It's because he's truly, completely, 100% happy.
1. Because He's Scared

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Flash. But I do own a computer and a fanfic acount and an active imagination. So there's that. **

**~J.H.**

"I love you," her words come out as barely a whisper, and, for a moment, he's not sure if he heard her correctly. He's dreamed of her saying it a thousand times, so when she actually says is, so softly and sweetly, with her eyes closed and her head against his bare chest, he thinks he's imagined it.

But, the next moment, she says it again, louder, as if to confirm it, "I love you. Okay?" He didn't realize that he was tense until he feels himself relax against her as she says it. She's not the kind of person to say those words easily, even though he is. He's told her several times already, and he's meant it every single time, but she'd never said it back.

Not until right now. Right now, she said it back. _Twice._ He wants to tell her it again, but the words get caught in Barry's throat, and he's afraid he might cry if he says them aloud. So, instead, he presses his lips against Caitlin's hair, squeezing her closer to him, feeling her bare skin press against his.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to get around to say it," she whispers.

"Shhh," he says, because, honestly, he doesn't care that she took long to say it, he only cares that she did say it—and, more importantly, that she meant it. Because he knows that Caitlin Snow would not have let those words leave her mouth unless she truly meant them. He finds his hand tracing little circles on her back, enjoying the feeling of her smooth skin under his fingers.

"I love you, too," he finally manages, speaking the words against her hair.

"I know," she says. He knows she knows, but he just wants her to hear it again. In fact, he wants her to hear it every day of her life, for the rest of her life.

It's that moment, lying in bed after their first night together, Barry Allen realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Caitlin Snow. There's no doubt in his mind about it—not even a little doubt. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her: to marry her, to build a family with her, to grow old with her…

_It's too early_, he reminds himself, because even though he and Caitlin met four years ago, they've only been dating for two months, and she _just now _realized she loved him. She's not ready, and he knows it. And, even though all Barry really wants to do is to tell her how he really feels—that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, if she'll let him, he doesn't. _It's too soon. It's much too soon. _He tells himself over and over again. He may want to spend the rest of his life with her, but will she actually want to spend the rest of her life with him? He doubts it. She may love him, but loving someone and making a lifelong commitment to someone are two very different htings…

And so he holds back. Even though that moment was one of the happiest in his life—next to the first time he kissed her and the first time _he _said 'I love you'—he holds back.


	2. Because He's Responsible

"I'm sorry," he says, his hands around her back, pressing her close to his body, as if he could keep her safe just by keeping her close to him.

"Barry, I'm fine—" she protests, her voice muffled against his red suit (normally she'd scold him about wearing it in public without the mask on, but they're in an abandoned alley). And, really, she is fine. A bit shaken up from being used as another stupid villain's leverage against the Flash, but, other than that, she's fine.

"I'm so sorry." Barry says again, one hand moving up to her head, cradling it closer to his chest.

"It's okay, Barry," she tries to soothe her boyfriend, "Really. I'm fi—"

He interrupts, again, "I—I can't believe I put you through that—" he thinks of the way she's always put in danger because of him—because of the Flash. All because he's too selfish to give her up, even though he knows it's for her own safety, "I'm sorry, Cait. This is all my fault…"

"Barry Allen!" Caitlin pulls back from their embrace, looking at him sternly. "This is _not _your fault, alright? Don't be stupid about this. This is _not _your fault."

He gulps, because, while part of him knows she's right, another part of him doesn't care. Either way, he's the one who put her in danger. That means _he's _the one to blame. "Caitlin—"

"No," she responds immediately. From her expression, he knows that she realizes what he's doing.

"Cait," he tries again, "I can't put you in danger like this again. And…" the next words are the most difficult to get out, because they mean the end to the best thing that's ever happened to him. "…and as long as you're involved with the Flash, then you'll be in danger. I…can't do that."

"No," she says again, setting her jaw and lifting her chin a little, a gesture he's learned means she's determined and she's _not _giving up. "Listen to me, Barry Allen," she says fiercely, "I don't give a damn about the danger. I knew all about how dangerous this was when I started going out with you—I knew all about how dangerous this was when I even decided to be your friend. But I still decided to be with you. It was my decision back then, and it's still my decision now." An unsaid _so there_ hangs on her sentence.

"But—" he protests.

She's not hearing any of his nonsense, "Oh—and I'm not _involved _with the Flash—I'm in _love _with the Flash—no, I'm in love with Barry Allen. There's a difference. And it means that I don't give you up, even if it's the logical thing to do. Got it?" She pokes him in the chest for emphasis.

But something else popped into his mind as she talked—there was a way. A way to keep her safe. She was in danger as long as she remained in Central City. So…so they had to leave. They had to leave Central City. In his mind he sees how brilliant their plan is: they'd leave Central City, and go to some normal city, somewhere safe and without any stupid superhero drama, like Chicago or New York. He could get a job in forensics and she'd get a job working at another lab (a completely _normal _lab that did completely _safe _expierament). They could share a small apartment until they got enough money for a bigger one or a house, and at some point, they'd go to Town Hall, get officially married. He doesn't realize the word he's looking for is _elope_.

"There—there is another way," he hears himself mutter to Caitlin, his heart speeding up as he rethinks their plan. She looks at him quizzically, her hand moving up to the lightning bolt symbol on his chest. She traces it absentmindedly, her eyes still searching his face for an answer.

As her fingers run lightly over the symbol, he's reminded of what it means—it means he's the Flash. And it means that the city needs him. Central City needs him. And, as much as he loves Caitlin, he knows neither of them is selfish enough to give up on this city.

He wants to run away with her. He really does. But he knows he has a duty, as a hero. He has a duty to the city—to protect Central City. Oliver would tell him the same—as a hero, they have to make sacrifices, and they can't be selfish. And he, Barry Allen can be selfish sometimes, but Caitlin is anything but selfish. She's never agree to it, not while the city still needed them.

So, in response to Caitlin's still confused face, he just pulls her close again, and says the only thing he can, "You're right." Because he know, in his heart that she is. And even though being with him is dangerous, it's _her_ choice. But he also knows that he has a responsibility not only to his girlfriend, but to his city. And sometimes responsibilities come before feelings.


	3. Because HeLoves Her

"Be careful," Cisco says, giving Barry a tight hug before turning away.

"I'm always careful," Barry responds, which earns him an eye roll from both Cisco and Caitlin.

"I'm serious," Cisco continues, "The Weather Wizard is _pissed _and when he gets pissed he also gets extremely powerful. Apparently. Which I guess is kinda the case for everyone? Like you usually run faster when you're pissed." His eyebrow knit together, "Maybe we should get you really pissed or something." He turns back toward Barry, "Caitlin doesn't love you."

"Stop it," Caitlin scolds.

"I'm just trying to get his speed to the fastest it could possibly be. It's actually a really good theory for—"

"Stop it," she says again, this time more serious as she approaches Barry, who's sitting calmly on their S.T.A.R. labs lab table. She puts her arms around his neck and he wraps his around her waist. He can feel her shaking and he can tell that, despite her acting calm, she's worried about him facing the Weather Wizard again.

Cisco holds up his hands in surrender, and heads toward the door, "Alright, lovebirds. But when this whole 'get him pissed so he'll run faster' theory works, you guys will be thanking _me._" He exists, shouting over his shoulder, "And remember that you the Whether Wizard is going to be here in _five minutes! _So limit your kissing time."

Caitlin rolls her eyes again and focuses on fixing Barry's collar, but she's still shaking and is now biting her bottom lip. "You're gonna be fine," she says, and he thinks she's talking more to herself than to him.

And, honestly, he's not entirely sure that he is gonna be fine. He's just as worried as Caitlin is. The Weather Wizard has only gotten more powerful since Barry last confronted him, and, although he's thankfully not targeting Joe at this point, he's still threatening the entire city if the Flash doesn't show up for a fight.

"You'll be just fine," Caitlin says again. She plants a soft kiss on his mouth. "This is nothing you can't handle. It's fine."

He moves his hands to the back of his neck, tangling into her hair as he pushes her forehead to his. "I'll be fine," he says, and each knows the other is lying. He wants to tell her that he has to do this, that this is something that simply _has _to be done, but he can't bring himself to do it.

"I love you," she says. He can count on one hand the amount of times she's said that to him.

Barry closes his eyes and presses his lips to hers, his voice shaky, "I love you, too."

They stand there for a moment, just holding each other, Caitlin trembling and Barry's heart racing, both terrified about what's going to happen next, and Barry's realizes how stupid he's been. Because, for the past seven months, all he's really wanted to do was to be with Caitlin Snow. And now, he's headed for almost certain death (even he doesn't believe that he'll be able to defeat the Whether Wizard), and he realizes he's going to die without doing the one thing he really wants to—marry Caitlin. He's going to die without marrying Caitlin Snow.

_Let's get married. _The words sneak into his head and try to coax their way into his throat, and Barry almost says them out loud. He wants to marry her before he dies. Or, if he can't do that, he at least wants to die engaged to her. _And then what?_ The voice in the back of his mind says, _What will you do after you propose to her? Die? Because that's sure as hell what's about to happen._

She lost one fiancée to self-sacrifice, he wasn't going to make her lose another. He can't propose to her. Not now. That's not fair to her. "I love you, too," he says again, but this time, his voice is steady, because he knows he's doing what's right for Caitlin, and that's all that really matters.


	4. Because He's Happy

He keeps his hand in his pocket, his fist closed around the small box that holds what is, in his mind, the most important ring in all of history. In the back of his mind, he knows how small and lightweight the box actually is, but, for some reason, it just feels heavy and hot against his palm.

Iris had told him once that when he proposed to Caitlin, he'd better make it romantic and special—she'd pointed out that girls just _love _romantic things. "And do it somewhere meaningful," she pointed out, "Don't just do it anywhere."

But Barry wants to do it now. He wants to propose to Caitlin Snow _now, _at this very moment. He's sitting on the porch swing, nervously waiting for her to arrive. He'd bought the ring a couple weeks ago, but hadn't found the "meaningful" and "romantic" moment to propose yet.

A taxi pulls up and he knows that she's in the back. The box seems to get heavier in his pocket, but he remembers the conversation he'd had with her earlier that day…

_"I got a job offer in Starling City," Caitlin had said over the phone._

_"You—wow!" he said, trying to sound happy for her. He was happy, but he couldn't help think that it would really complicate things…_

_"Yeah," she sounds conflicted, "Felicity said it would be really good experience. And, you know with only really working at S.T.A.R. labs and everything, I think it would be good to get some other experience."_

_"Totally," he says, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. She was going to leave him and go to Starling City and probably find some other, better guy there—probably that sleaze Ray._

_"I just...have to think about my career. About my future," she says, and he can't help think she's trying to convince herself as much as she's trying to convince him._

"Hey, babe!" she says as she exists the taxi, heading toward him with a smile on her face.

"Hey!" as he stands up from the porch swing, he can't help but smile, too, because he's just made a decision.

"You ready for dinner? I have something to tell you!" she says cheerily as she heads up the porch steps and towards him.

Barry heads towards her too, his legs suddenly unsteady. As they reach each other, he turns his last stride into a kneel, his whole body shaking from nervousness and excitement. She freezes, her jaw suddenly dropping a little. "I have something to tell you, too," Barry says. He reaches in his pocket and finds the box—which now doesn't feel so heavy and scary. He opens it, revealing a sparkling diamond band. Her expression—awe and excitement and happiness all mixed into one—makes him smile. "I am truly…madly, and _deeply _in love with you, Caitlin Snow. And…and I'm thinking about my future, and…and the only thing I see in my future for certain is you."

Her smile is bigger than he's ever seen it—he remembers what he said to her the first day he met her, about how she didn't smile much, and he can't help but thinking that nowadays…she did smile. She smiled a lot. "So," he continues, nervous even though he know he has no reason to be, "Will you, Caitlin Snow, marry—"

"Yes!" she interrupts her voice both excited and thick with tears, and he doesn't care. He doesn't waste another moment. His ring finds her finger, and his lips find hers, enthusiastically that he lifts her up off the ground, both feet popped behind her.

And he can't help but thinking, although he had many opportunities, and although he didn't wait until the setting was perfect, this proposal was the best thing that could have happened to him.

**You're welcome for posting this all in one take.**

**~J.H.**


End file.
